Sarah Palin Reaches All Time Low

Starving for attention, now Sarah Palin has decided you use the old Dan Quayle trick (ineptitude) to get our attention 'cause that galdarned oil spill is overshadowing her spotlight. True to form, she had to take it further by likening herself to none other than William Shakespeare.

So, yes Sarah, you got my attention again. You have bottomed out. You can't get any lower. Every animal you've ever shot is far higher on the food chain than you are. It is truly DISTURBING that anyone can see merit in your existence on the American political scene.

You are truly the dumbdest, most stupidlike, idiotical Americation on the planetation.

It is not the fact that you used a word that doesn't exist (my five year old does that all the time). It's the fact that you defend your right to fuck up, claim authority to alter the English language, and compare yourself to a literary genius. Your name should never appear in the same sentence unless being used as an antonym.

Soon she will tell us that she is more righteous than the Dalai Lama, more selfless that Helen Keller, and more caring than Mother Teresa.

Sad thing is that there are Americanations who will believeth her.

Quotes from Dan Quayle:

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."


Quotes from Sarah Palin:

"I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities."

"I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. "

"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't."

"I was trying to give Tina Fey more material. Job security for Saturday Night Live."

"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan."

"Nucular."

"They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska."

HOLY SHIT. Time for DNA tests, I think they may be related? Inbreeding would certainly explainify some things. Maybe Quayle could be her running-mate. Wouldn't that be a bucket of fun! Wink, wink! Golly!

STUPID IS is STUPID DOES. 

Media Bored With BP Oil Spill

As expected, the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf is losing momentum amongst the news media. Other things like black-clad jackasses in Toronto at the G20 are taking center stage. Brad and Angelina might adopt another. Lindsay Lohan got drunk again, and no, she did not get another tattoo. Soccer (Football everywhere off our continent) has taken center stage. Miley Cyrus might play the closing ceremony of the World Cup, no doubt grasping at her crotch in an effort to tell the world that she's a big girl now.

Sadly, our Pop Culture is shallow. It's about everything that doesn't matter, and everything we don't want our kids to see, do, eat, drink, or listen to. Brangelina doesn't matter. Let Lindsay drink herself into a stupor. Slow down Miley or you'll regret it. Anarchists don't deserve our attention. Soccer is a game.

The media relations team at British Petroleum is breathing a collective sigh of relief knowing that if they can keep the flow of oil under half a million gallons a day and they don't fuck anything else up (and their chairman keeps his mouth shut) then they might come out of this thing with their tanks full. After all, people are still buying their gas. Even in the United States. What is wrong with that picture? Americans pulling up to BP pumps in their domestic gas gulpers. They should all take a vacation and go swimming on a Louisiana beach. BP product won't cost them a dime there.

Of course there is a new man at the helm. An American. Right accent. Right clothes. He'll set things right. Get the job done. Brilliant move by BP. Give 'em one of their own, that'll shut 'em up. After all, Americans are suspicious of any foreigner. Imagine if they had assigned a man named Abdullah from their Saudi operations to oversee the Gulf spill. Even if he had the resume he would be lynched.

BP wants more than anything for this tragedy to end. Their survival is absolutely dependent upon it. But let's be real. They will employ every possible cost cutting measure. They will cut every possible corner. They will deny responsibility at every viable opportunity. They will lobby. They will spin.

And you can bet that that's what caused the mess in the first place.

The media needs to focus on what matters. The public needs to focus on what matters. This isn't Hollywood. This isn't a game. It's not teenage angst. This is real-life.

The Curse of Sarah Palin

The US Constitution entitles it's citizens to Freedom of Speech, a right shared by we Canadian neighbors. There is also the unwritten right shared by both countries citizens to disregard verbal diarrhea of complete idiots. Yet we cannot ignore Sarah. She is like an itchy rash. We know if we scratch it, it will only get worse. It will spread. It will itch more. She simply relies on shock value to keep herself in the forefront by saying stupid things.

Recently she posted this on Twitter "Extreme Enviros: Drill, Baby, Drill in ANWR – Now Do You Get It?"

Well Sarah, what does ANWR stand for? (Pause.....thinking hard.....Katie Couric waiting patiently. Don't hold your breath.....)

ARCTIC NATIONAL WILDLIFE REFUGE, Sarah.


Wildlife? the pint-size soccer Mom reflects. We're hunters in Alaska! I can handle a rifle!


Refuge? hmmm, wink, wink. That's where we can get lots of 'em cause they think they're safe there! But I'm a crack shot.


So why not drill in a wildlife refuge Sarah? Sorry, you're not qualified to answer that question.


Scratch, Scratch......sorry I can't help it.

A Collection of Tweets

I recently hopped on the Tweeter bandwagon, and one of the parts I am enjoying most is some of the genuinely funny "Tweets". Thought in this post I'd share a few;

From Jack Nicholson:
'Life is NOT like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.'

From Steve Jobs: 

"I'm not sure what's worse: Being placed on the back of the "TIME 100" cover or being pictured next to Sarah Palin."

From Steve Jobs again: 
"Starting this summer, porn will be blocked from all Mac browsers. If you want smut, use Windows."

From Bruce Willis:
"Shit; trapped in office building with terrorists and ex wife."

From John Cleese:
"Yes, I know, I'm supposed to Twitter every day. But I'm too busy having my teeth stuck back in."

From Ra McGuire:
"INXS's "New Sensation" is now a Kraft salad dressing commercial. So, the Raise a Little Hell cracker thing isn't quite so embarrassing"

Thanks for the laughs everyone!  

Ending Poverty and Disease is Possible

Here's the theory.....

First, I think that it's safe to assume that the combined military might of the G8 countries ( France, Germany, Italy, Japan, the United Kingdom, the United States, Canada, and  Russia) is sufficient to handle any threat we may face in the foreseeable future. Add in the Outreach Five Nations ( Brazil, China, India, Mexico, and South Africa) and the remaining threats are miniscule by comparison.

Okay, so let's look at their military budgets (2008 figures, Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, all expressed in US Dollars):

United States -           $548,531,000,000.00
United Kingdom -       $57,392,000,000.00
Germany -                   $37,237,000,000.00
Italy -                           $32,103,000,000.00
Japan -                         $42,751,000,000.00
Canada -                      $15,940,000,000.00
China -                        $63,643,000,000.00
Brazil -                        $15,477,000,000.00
India -                          $24,716,000,000.00
Mexico -                        $3,938,000,000.00
South Africa -               $3,953,000,000.00

TOTAL:                    $845,681,000,000.00

Over $845 Trillion Dollars. Wow. With stockpiles of armaments capable of extinguishing life from the planet a thousand times over please explain the necessity? The Military-Industrial Complex of course.

So let's imagine that the G8+5 decided they could do something better with their money. Let's say they all agreed to cut military spending in half and utilize the other half, $422.5 Trillion Dollars, to end Poverty and eradicate curable disease throughout the world.

Not just for one year, let's make it a ten year commitment. Think of what that money can do. Consider the implications on a Worldwide scale. The Job Creation, the Investment, the Infrastructure. Think of the impact on humanity. Think of the worldwide perception of the member countries.

The United States maintains it's World supremacy through military might (and with continued spending of $275,000,000,000.00 annually it still would). It is an antiquated way of thinking. It's necessity has come and gone. This would be an opportunity to show the good that can come of power.  By joining with the other member nations in this mission, what country would challenge their combined power.

I don't believe I'm saying anything new. I haven't formulated the Divine Plan. It's been said a million times and justified a million ways. It falls on deaf ears. We need to change our collective way of thinking. We have the capacity and capability to make our world a better place - not just for the select few - for everyone.

One of my favorite songs, "Dear Mr. President" by Pink, really sums it up. Although it was written as a direct jab at George W. Bush, it's lyrics could apply to every President of every industrialized nation. Get past the bohemian stigma associated with the artist and listen to the lyrics. Watch the video.

Dear Mr. President, you can change the world.....

After Bed-Time

Parents will agree, there is that time of day that we relish when the kids are tucked in. For that brief time before we too must sleep that we share as adults we are thankful. Often I think that were it not for this brief respite from work and parenting we would all go stark-raving-mad. I so look forward to this time with my wife. Glass of wine. Adult conversation. Time to be ourselves. Time to be a couple - a concept so lost at times in the insanity that is family life in the 21st century. And like every couple, it has been lost on us before.

This is a brief post, my wife just returning from night-school, and the kids tucked in. Couple time. Cheers!

One of Those Days.....

Long day at the office. A forty minute commuter train ride turned into two hours because a tree up-ended in a windstorm and fell across the tracks. My wife had night-school and couldn't hang around to pick me up so I had to walk. In the rain. Get home to the kids who immediately inform me that they're starved and cry in unison "When's dinner?". Don the chefs hat and get cooking. Damned fine job too if I do say so myself. However, the kids didn't seem to think so. They picked at their food with their forks. My daughter obsessing about the bones that may possibly have been missed in the fish, my son, well, he just likes to pick. They were still assessing the palatability when I finished mine and started unloading the dishwasher. Every time I turned my back one would poke the other. Then the one who was the victim of the poke would fink to me. Food's cold now. Tension is rising. My son makes a show of a mouthful to prove his progress. He has to open his mouth to show me. Food falls to the floor. Daddy's BP is now 150 over 110 and rising. Warmth in my cheeks. My daughter sees the impending explosion, downs the remaining three mouthfuls in one and makes a dash. In the words of "The Champ", "I lose it!". I yell. My mouth opens and it streams like an MP3. My son eats. Finish cleaning. Get them ready for bed. My son informs me that he doesn't like me anymore. I'm done. I ask my daughter to read him his story. She informs me that she doesn't want to read the "Damned Story".

I come downstairs, open this computer and vent. Part of the reason I do this is for the kids. Someday I want them to read this and know how hard parenting can be. Best thing is knowing that someday they'll have kids and history will repeat and only then will they understand. Last laugh?

Now that I'm back to 120 over 80, I'll go tuck 'em in. Tomorrow's another day. Goodnight.